I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
try to milk me bitch
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