Just fell off a train. Bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
