Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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