I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
