I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips