I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers