It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity