So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
