after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
