I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
