i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude. I can hear the air.
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