As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I sprained my soul last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
