i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
