It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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