can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
