you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
