I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
