is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
