if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
