There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
