yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
