I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
