I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
