Define "chronic" masturbator.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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