: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
