also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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