Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
