1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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