EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
