we're blogging at a bar
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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