apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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