I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
