Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
farters have to be the big spoon...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You've changed since you got that strap on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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