you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
