Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
