you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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