Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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