So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this just has baby written all over it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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