shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
