Where is the hickey?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
