can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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