The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
