When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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