So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
