If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
