I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i dont even know how to be here
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
