Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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