i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
