she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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