I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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