May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
