the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize