hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
