Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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