Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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