I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
