i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
