i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
