I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize