My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
