She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
