How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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