Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Enjoy the penises
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
