They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
