tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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