So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hippo gnu deer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
