my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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